Connection
by nebula2
Summary: Post "Learning Curve". A near death experience changes the way you look at many things, and for two members of Voayger's crew, it offers a chance to share secrets of the past. Dalby/Gerron friendship.


Disclaimer: The characters of Star Trek Voyager do not belong to me.

AN: So, this started out as a drabble but never felt complete, so I expanded it. Along the way, ideas from another drabble found it's way into this story as well. It is a tag to the first season episode "Learning Curve". I enjoyed writing this and exploring the two characters and their relationship further so I hope you all enjoy reading the story.

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The low hum of the myriad of machines occupying sickbay was the only noise, the EMH having been deactivated hours ago by one of the room's two occupants. It wasn't as if the doctor was currently needed and Kenneth Dalby had found the hologram's persistent presence annoying. His multiple attempts at getting Dalby to leave had only angered the former Maquis engineer. He had no intention of leaving any time soon, least of all while sickbay's second occupant was in a deep sleep. He had been forced to leave him behind once today, and he wasn't doing it a second time, even if the doctor insisted he'd be fine. Dcotor's could be wrong. Even holographic ones. After all, Voyager's EMH had been programmed by humans and was vulnerable to human errors.

No, Kenneth Dalby much preferred to hold his own vigil. He wanted to be able to with his own eyes that the young Bajoran was stable and recovering. Preferred to be there when Gerron woke up, if for no other reason than to prove to the young man that he wasn't alone on this voyage of the damned.

None of them were. He had learned that today. Starfleet and Maquis alike were in the same predicament. He knew his Starfleet counterparts didn't want to be stuck so far away from everything they knew any more than he or the other Maquis did. Some of them were even missing out on so much more than he was. They had family back in the Alpha Quadrant missing them and a promising future. All he had to go back to was a guerilla war with the Cardassians. One that, if he were honest with himself, Dalby doubted he would have lived to see the end of it.

Looking down at the young Bajoran, Dalby's gut told him the same could be said for Gerron. Though he had never shared his personal history with him, Dalby knew that a great loss fueled the anger the young man had harbored toward the Cardassians. Why else would someone so young throw their lot in with a bunch of resistance fighters?

Perhaps he should stop looking at this voyage as something bad and start looking at it as a second chance. His chance to make something out of the life that the Alpha Quadrant had crushed. A chance to help Gerron find a path for himself other than one fueled by anger and hatred.

Tom Paris had seized his second chance and was making the best of it. Why couldn't the rest of them?

The swish of an opening door caused Dalby to look toward the entrance of sick bay. It didn't surprise Dalby at all to see Commander Chakotay walking through the doors. He had known either him or the Captain would eventually make their way back down here, and not just to check up on Gerron either.

"I guess you're here to ream me out for refusing B'Elana's request for me to help get ship's systems back online," Dalby said, keeping his voice down but not moving from his spot next to the bed.

"No, I'm not," Chakotay replied, not surprised by the remark. Given how hard he had come down on Dalby for walking out on Tuvok's training session the first time, it was a logical conclusion for the engineer to come to. Still, the commander didn't think this situation warranted it. "I've already informed B'Elana that she has enough engineers to get the job done without your help seeing as the emergency has past," he added.

The response surprised Dalby given the flak he had been getting about not following Starfleet protocols lately.

"Thanks," Dalby muttered, having been fully prepared to face some kind of punishment for his action. He was unsure at how to express his gratitude for the leniency.

Sensing Dalby's discomfort, Chakotay chose to change the direction of the conversation. "How is he?"he asked, nodding in Gerron's direction. A blanket covered the still form up to the shoulders, and there was no color in Gerron's face. However, the easy rise and fall of his chest told him that at least the younger man was breathing easily.

"The doctor says he's stable and that he'll make a full recovery," Dalby replied, his eyes back on the still form of his shipmate. "He's been sleeping most of the time since we got him down here, though he did wake up briefly.

"That's good to hear," Chakotay replied, relieved at the update. Tuvok's initial report from sickbay had been that Gerron had regained consciousness when he had been pulled from the cargo bay. Still, Chakotay had been worried but knew he had other things to attend to, including an irritated chief engineer, before he could come done to check on the young Bajoran himself.

"I should've never left him," Dalby said quietly.

Chakotay wasn't sure whether he was supposed to have overheard the comment or not. As he had heard it though, he decided he couldn't let it go. Tuvok had briefed both him and the captain on what had transpired in the cargo bay. He understood Dalby's reluctance at leaving Gerron behind, but he also understood Tuvok's sense of responsibility for getting the other three under his command to safety. Neither man should feel guilty for the actions they had taken and in the end, everyone had made it out of the cargo bay. The question was, could he make Dalby understand that.

"You were following orders."

"And if he had died, is knowing that supposed to have made me feel better," Dalby countered bitterly, looking from Gerron to Chakotay.

"No," Chakotay replied calmly, not letting the other man's anger phase him. He wasn't sure what it was about Gerron that had made Dalby so protective, but he knew it was good for both of them. "But don't beat yourself up because of it either. When you're in command, the lives of those under you are your responsibility. Making sure that he got as many of you to safety as he could, was Tuvok's priority. He's a man of logic, which means he's going to make the logical choice. Losing one man is better than losing three. Even risking his own life instead of putting the three of you at risk was the more logical choice. It's also the choice I would have made in his position."

"If he had told us he was going back himself, it would have made a difference."

"I'm not sure that Tuvok knew for sure that he was going back for him until he actually did it," Chakotay told him, thinking of how Tuvok had made it a point to defend his choice of going back into the cargo bay. Not that either he or the captain would have criticized that choice. He knew the captain felt the same way he did. If there was a chance of rescuing a crew member then you took that chance. "What you need to focus on is the fact that you didn't abandon either of them. You took the initiative to try and mount a rescue of your own. Neither one of them might have survived if you guys hadn't forced your way into the cargo bay. Tuvok actually requested that a commendation be put in your record for your actions. For all of you actually. Seems like you guys finally did something to impress him."

"Really?" Dalby asked, surprised by that bit of information. The fact that Chakotay was echoing what Henley had told him before she left was helping him believe that perhaps they had a point. He may have left the cargo bay but he hadn't abandoned them.

"You think I'd make something like that up?"

"No, of course not, sir," Dalby replied, shaking his head. "It's just that I didn't expect it, especially considering how things have gone this past week."

"That's the nice thing about Vulcans, they may be sticklers to the rules but they don't hold grudges. Yeah, you and Tuvok have gotten off to a rough start, and you've made some mistakes, but he'll judge you on your current performance, not what you've done in the past."

"And you?"

"Like you said, this ship has a different way of doing things. I've served in Starfleet before. I knew what I was getting myself into. The rest of you have a learning curve to go through, and no one is perfect. I may not have been happy with the stunt you guys pulled at the beginning of all this, but I'm not going to hold that against you. I know how talented you all are. I'm in your corner, but you've got to be willing to at least attempt to make this work."

"I will, sir," Dalby told him, sincerely meaning the words. He'd learned a lot, especially in the last several hours.

"If there's a change in his condition, notify me," Chakotay said, with another nod toward the sleeping Bajoran. He could tell Dalby planned on keeping vigil all night and perhaps it was for the best. Under the circumstances, it was probably best if Gerron didn't wake up alone in sick bay. The young man was closed off enough as it is. Waking up alone would probably only reinforce the sense of isolation he felt.

"Yes, sir," Dalby replied, glancing back toward Gerron again as Chakotay's footsteps retreated toward the exit.

It seemed as though his superiors and peers were going to let him off the hook for leaving Gerron behind. Nor did he doubt that Tuvok's threat to break his arm if he didn't leave the cargo bay was an idle one. The question was, would Gerron feel the same way? Had his actions tonight destroyed any chance he'd had of reaching the young Bajoran.

They were questions that Dalby kept repeating over and over in his head without getting any closer to reaching any answers. Logically, he knew that the only way to get those answers was to talk with Gerron, but that wasn't exactly an option right now.

The minutes continued to pass slowly as Dalby sat in relative silence. He had become so accustomed to the quiet that the quiet groan from Gerron made him jump. Getting over the start, Dalby looked toward the young Bajoran to see that Gerron was struggling to open his eyes.

"Hey there," Dalby said, as he got to his feet. He was trying to keep his voice on the lower side of normal. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he stood next to the bio-bed."

"Horrible," Gerron replied, his eyes focusing on Dalby.

Seeing that Gerron was attempting to sit up, Dalby reached out and put a restraining arm on the Bajoran's shoulder.

"The doctor told you to take it easy, remember," Dalby reminded him.

"I think I do," Gerron replied, his eyes shut again. A few moments later he opened them again as he continued talking. "Everything seems a bit hazy." There was another paused before he asked, "what are you still doing here?"

Dalby shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I figured you shouldn't wake up here alone," he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. Despite everything, he still wasn't quite sure how to admit out loud how much he really did care.

The engineer apparently wasn't the only one having trouble dealing with what they were feeling. Even in the dim lighting, Dalby could see the tears glistening in the younger man's eyes as Gerron swallowed hard.

"Was it something I said?" Dalby asked lightly, hoping to ease the tension of the moment. Reaching out, he took Gerron's hand in his own, hoping to convey by the gesture what he knew he wouldn't be able to put into words.

"I'm sorry," Gerron replied, the words thick with emotion. "It's just that the only one who has ever sat beside my bed before was my mother, and that was a long time ago."

"There's no reason to apologize," Dalby assured him, applying pressure to the slack hand that still rested in his. He felt Gerron's fingers close around his a little.

"I should've died today," Gerron continued, the words shaky as he tried to put into words what was going through his head. "You all risked your lives for me, even Commander Tuvok, and I was convinced that he hated me."

"Nonsense. Vulcans are incapable of emotion remember?"

"Wish I was right about now," Gerron remarked, as he reached up with his other hand to wipe tears away.

"I think all of us in the Maquis have felt that way before, even me. Then I remember that it is our emotions which drove us to fight for the cause, whatever our reasons, in the first place. As for us risking our lives for you, we'd all do it again, just like you would for us. Just like you have before this."

"I just feel overwhelmed right now."

"You've been through a lot today, Ral," Dalby replied, using the young man's seldom used first name. "Everything will be easier to deal with once you've got some rest."

Gerron shook his head. "I don't think so. I never wanted this. I never wanted to feel like I owed anyone anything, again."

"I know that feeling," Dalby said, the memories of losing Megan coming back to him.

All he had wanted to do after losing her was to kill every Cardassian he could get a hold of. The Maquis were just a way to accomplish that when he had first joined but that had changed. Though he hadn't admitted it to anyone, even himself really, until he had been talking with Tuvok in the holodeck, meeting Gerron had changed that. He had started caring about what happened to someone again, and though he hadn't realized what was going on, that had finally allowed some healing to take place. Perhaps sharing that self revelation now would be beneficial.

"After losing Megan, I never wanted to open myself to the pain of losing someone I cared so deeply for again. My sole purpose in life became to make as many Cardassians pay for what had happened to her that I possibly could. Joining the Maquis was simply a means to accomplish that. I kept my distance from everyone, not wanting to get close to anyone, knowing that in any war people would die."

Dalby paused, looking toward Gerron as he did. The Bajoran was looking at him intently, genuinely interested in the story Dalby was telling.

"And then you joined our cell and I saw the person that I had been before meeting Megan in you," Dalby said, seeing the understanding dawn in the Bajoran's eyes as he said the words. As he continued, he found himself voicing emotions that he had held back in his brief conversation with Tuvok. "I remembered how much more at peace I had felt after Megan had shown me how to let go of that anger. I thought that if I could help someone else achieve that, then perhaps I could honor her memory. Maybe even salvage part of the person that she had taught me to become."

"And I haven't exactly made that attempt easy," Gerron said, finally understanding the older man's repeated attempts to reach out to him.

"No, you haven't," Dalby agreed. "Then, I never expected it to be easy. I wasn't the most receptive person to Megan's first attempts to strike up a conversation either," Dalby said, remembering the first time he had met the woman who had become his wife. Even now, he didn't understand why she hadn't just turned her back on him right there and then. She hadn't though, and whether he understood it or not, Dalby knew it was why he had kept reaching out to Gerron despite the unreciprocated attempts at friendship. "She saw someone worth getting to know in the person I was then, just like I saw someone who may one day make a good friend in you."

"Maybe the doctor should take another look at you. I think the fumes we all inhaled might still be affecting you. I haven't exactly proved myself useful since joining Voyager's crew. Commander Jacobs is never happy with my work in stellar cartography and I don't think I'm going to make it through this little training session of Lt. Tuvok's. It probably would've been better if none of you had bothered risking your lives for me," Gerron said, pulling his hand out of Dalby's grasp.

The reasoning Tuvok had given him for why Gerron had been put in their small training session came back to him. Like so many times before, Chakotay's wisdom in how best to shape and utilize those he led was apparent. Despite all his attempts of reaching out to Gerron, Dalby hadn't realized the self-doubt that Gerron was harboring. No matter how hard he might have found it trying to fit in with the Starfleet crew, Dalby realized now that the process had been much harder for Gerron. At least Dalby knew that he belonged in engineering, even if he found Starfleet rules and regulations suffocating.

"All four of us are going to make it through Tuvok's field training," Dalby replied, with a determination to make those words come to fruition. "You've done everything he's asked of you thus far. You didn't back away from doing what was asked as you in that Cargo Bay today. No one, not even yourself, can ask anymore of you. It's not a sign of weakness getting hurt in the line of duty, and that is what happened to you today. If I was in your place, I'm sure you would have helped rescue me."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Gerron replied softly, something haunting in the tone of his voice. "I have a history of leaving behind people who need me."

As Dalby thought back over the time he had known Gerron, he tried to recall one time that the young Bajoran had left any of his fellow Maquis hanging. When nothing came to mind, Dalby started to wonder if Gerron was alluding to whatever had happened that led him to joining the Maquis in the first place. Perhaps his revelation about his own past was leading Gerron to open up about the past as well.

"What happened?" Dalby asked, hoping to encourage Gerron to continue. He had a feeling that talking about whatever had happened might help the young Bajoran feel better. It was clear to Dalby that Gerron was carrying around a lot of guilt associated with his past.

"Members of the labor camp I lived in on Bajor, my father among them, had chosen to strike back at the Cardassians watching over the camp. Two Cardassians were killed and the rest of the guards had chosen to take it out on the camp, randomly going to houses and executing whoever was inside. They didn't care about discovering who was responsible for the deaths, they just wanted to set an example that any act of rebellion from the Bajorans in the camp would be punished."

"My little sister Celes had been born with a deformed foot which made even walking difficult. My mother knew Celes would never be able to move fast enough to elude the Cardassians, and neither my mother nor I was strong enough to carry her for long. My mother insisted that I make a run for it on my own though. She packed some supplies, kissed me, and with the blessings of the prophet sent me out the back door of our home. I was still close enough to hear my sister's screams when the Cardassians entered the house. I just left them to die."

Dalby felt a renewed hatred for the Cardassians as he listened to the confessions. What he had gone through paled in comparison to what, Gerron had faced at a younger age. Given the guilt that he had been carrying around with him, it was no wonder that Gerron was so closed off.

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen," Gerron replied, still looking away.

Reaching out, Dalby reclaimed the hand that Gerron had pulled out of his grasp. "Ral, listen to me. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You were fourteen years old, and your mother was ordering you to leave. You did what any of us would have done. And even if you had stayed, how much of a difference do you really think it would have made. The Cardassians would have killed you, just like they did them."

"I wish I had died with them."

"And your mother wanted you to live. To make something of yourself and carry on the family legacy. I know that doesn't make things suddenly okay, but don't let guilt over their deaths keep ruining your life. The only ones to blame for the death of your family are the Cardassians."

Gerron didn't respond verbally but Dalby felt the hand he was holding grasp his own.

"Besides, I think your mother would be proud of the person her son has become," Dalby added, feeling confident in that assumption.

Without saying anything, Gerron closed his eyes. Dalby didn't make any further attempt to address the young man. As he had told Gerron early, the young Bajoran had been through a lot today, and the recent confession added to that. The engineer felt that he had made more headway in getting to know Gerron in the last twenty minutes or so than he had in the whole time he had known the Bajoran. The last thing he wanted to do was push the younger man too far.

So, Dalby stood silently beside the bio-bed, one hand still grasping the hand the Gerron hadn't pulled away again, offering silent support. For now it was all he could really do, though he had plans he intended to see through.

First he would help Gerron finish Tuvok's field training. After that, Dalby was determined to get Gerron away from Stellar Cartography. Though he didn't complain much, Dalby knew that Gerron didn't like the department and that the others in the department gave him a hard time. The fact that the head of the department was not happy with Gerron's effort had been news to Dalby, but just added more fuel to his determination. What he didn't know was what department would be a better fit for the Bajoran, though there was time to figure that out.

Standing there, Dalby acknowledged that he was probably a poor substitute for the family Gerron had loss, but now more than ever, Dalby was determined to be there for the young man no matter how hard it was at times. He wanted to help the young Bajoran learn to let other people in once again, because none of them were meant to try facing life alone.

After all, though he hadn't done it intentionally, Gerron had been the one who had taught him that lesson. All he was doing was repaying the favor that had been given to him and being the man that Megan had believed in all along.


End file.
